They Call Him Philthy

"I rent a room and I fill the spaces with
Wood in places to make it feel like home
But all I feels alone
It might be a quarter life crisis
Or just the stirring in my soul

Either way I wonder sometimes
About the outcome
Of a still verdictless life"



So says John Mayer's "Why Georgia." The 27-year old pop/rock singer-songwriter is obviously not in his early twenties, but when his hit album "Room for Squares" was released in 2001, he was just 23. In this auto-biographical track we hear thoughts of being homesick, confusion as to where life is supposed to take you, and a mention of a "quarter life crisis."

First of all, I'm guessing half of you by now are strongly disappointed that I have chosen to use John Mayer to illustrate a point, but don't fret. While many of John's tracks can certainly be considered "way the hell too poppy for rock radio," did you know some of his musical inspirations include guitar legend Stevie Ray Vaughn, Ben Folds Five, Coldplay, and his favorite band, The Police? John's just a talented guy that can play some guitar.

But back to this "quarter life crisis" idea. Could this just be another quasi-cheesy lyric from a quasi-pop songwriter? Or might there be something to it?

We all know about the mid-life crisis. Dad is nearing 50 and can't come to grips with the fact that he might actually retire someday. A sports car is now parked in the garage. All of this while Mom refuses to believe that her last child is soon off to college, leaving her with a very quiet house. I only have a half a life left, they think to themselves. It's frightening. It's a crisis.

Well, what happens when you're age 22-25 and going through some major life changes? What's that called? You're getting ready to dive into the next quarter of your life, the mid-twenties to, well, Mom and Dad's age...Good lord! Where have the years gone? It's frightening. Isn't this a quarter life crisis?

Whatever you want to call it, the life of the 22-25 year old is scary and exciting. It's all new! College is over. SCHOOL is over (unless you go the grad/law/medical school route of course). Preschool through kindergarten, through elementary school, middle school, high school, and college. Year after year in a row; scheduled, dependable life. Sure, you have your summers off, but you know just where you'll be every September and October. School was always something you could count on as a kid whether you liked it or not. It was a constant and familiar place.

But what happens when it's all gone? Now where do you go?

You have a full-time job (or still desperately looking for one). Besides college, you're living away from home for the first time. When you want to see Mom and Dad and your old room you have to actually PLAN A VACATION! I shudder at the 'P' word!

Most of you are living in an area that is fairly new to you. You have a handful of friends but mostly you're left in a huge new place and forced to fend for yourself. Your first job out of college is probably not the best job in the world. They give you some benefits and some perks, but your salary is not one of them.

For many, the quarter life crisis seems to begin during the first real summer out of school after you've found a job. Why? Remember those lazy summer days with cake summer jobs? You go to work for a few hours making decent money, then spend time at the pool, the beach, the movies. Hang out with friends on any day of the work week, because you can.

Well, take that whole 3-month time period and SQUASH it. Suddenly, there's no summer "break" (except for you teachers...and believe me, I've tossed around that idea once or twice...). When you want to go to the beach, see your family, play catch with your little brother, you have to request a vacation from your boss. What? You're not going to give me a 3 month break? Are you crazy?! I can't work like this!

Such is the life of the twenty-something. Exiting college brings an influx of break-ups, new beginnings; lost loves and new loves. It's a confusing whirlwind of emotions. Talking with several high school and college friends of mine I've heard so many different stories.

Several of my friends have ended their college relationships that I was pretty sure were going to last. Two of my friends are married, a third just recently got engaged. Don't even get me STARTED on the whole marriage thing! Now THAT'S frightening! What happened to the summer flings, the short lived relationships that we joke about later over a beer with our friends? Now people are getting married? They're going to spend their ENTIRE life with someone? Holy hell! What happened to age 12 when Cal Ripken Jr. was my whole life?

Our free time seems to have shrunk. Most of us are working well over 40 hours a week. Some nights we're just too tired
to do anything but plop on the couch, catch the end of a game, and call it a night. 9:00am comes pretty early when we're used to noon classes! Five days a week we are guaranteed not to have the day off. And what's the deal with this apartment living? No deck? No yard to mow? A parking lot view from the windows? Get me out of here!

Suddenly we're re-evaluating our business goals, our life goals. We've been at a company for almost a year, but is this what we really want to do? Are we stuck with this career decision for the rest of our lives? Should we do something else?

Are we meeting the right people? Supposedly the friends we make these days are the one's that our kids will someday call "Uncle." Is THIS relationship going to be THAT relationship? The one that leads me to a house with a garage that will someday have a sportscar that belongs to me, the FATHER?

And you can't help but sometimes refer to the invisible guide in your head of what you're supposed to be doing by certain ages. Married by 30? In a job you love by 25? Kids by...KIDS?

I don't think it's so ridiculous to feel a little scared about this time in our lives. There's no instruction booklet or map for us to check out. Should I take that job or stay here? Does this one lead me to a life full of successes? Or is it the other one? When we were younger we could sort of always look ahead, even if it was just a little ahead, and see what was next. In 7th grade we knew that in a couple of years we'd be in high school. As a junior in high school we knew pretty soon one of those colleges would accept us and we could plan the next four years of our life.

But now? I don't know where I'll be next MONTH! I'm looking at townhouses, ready to move out of my apartment. But where? That's still up in the air.

And I'm basically ready to find new employment. Wow, that sounds a bit scary. I love Comcast SportsNet, and working at a sports television station is unbelievably fun! It's not everywhere you can wear jeans and play Nerf basketball at WORK!

But the fact is, I only like what I'm doing, I don't love it. Sure, I have very cool responsibilities and I can sometimes even call it "work" when I'm in the locker room interviewing professional athletes. But I don't feel like I'm letting out my creativity. That is a strong thing to deny folks. When you can't let out your creativity, can't see yourself LOVING what you do for a living, then it just ain't worth it. Remember that dream, that goal we all had when we were younger? The one we were going to reach for sure?

My job is a desk job. I want to be on the air. I want to be at that game, describing the action through the radio airwaves to people in their cars or people at home who prefer my play-by-play to that annoying guy doing it on the TV version. Get me on the radio, on the air. I don't care what I'm doing! Let me read the traffic reports! That will fulfill me! Then I'll show them that maybe this kid can do a little more than traffic.

A few friends of mine have decided that after a year of working they want to move back home. I used to think that was absolutely mental. Now, I don't know...as crazy as it would be to have some "rules" again, I do miss my family, miss beautiful North Carolina weather. The mountains on one end, the beaches on the other. A lot of my friends are back home.

But is that giving up? Are we supposed to sort of stick it out for awhile? Is it supposed to be hard and scary sometimes? I think so. And by the way, it's not ALL bad. Suddenly we have a few more dollars in our pocket (but not too much). We're working for ourselves, paying for ourselves. We become pretty self-sufficient and even reach that point where we aren't making calls home for cash anymore. There's no more homework or papers we have stay up late at night finishing. That's sure nice.

It's also not bad that life seems to be a little more exciting these days. Exciting people, exciting cities, exciting relationships.

I don't think there's any doubt that a quarter life crisis exists, but we still get laughed at by our parents who can't believe that we're freaking out about being in our MID-TWENTIES! It's all relative though isn't it? We can only deal with the things in front of us, and in front of me is age 24 in October!

"Am I living it right?"

John Mayer at age 23 knew a little something about the worry and confusion of the quarter life crisis.

I just wish THIS 23 year old had a road map.

Stay Tuned for More Philthy, We'll Be Right Back.