They Call Him Philthy

What the hell is creativity? Where did it come from? How do you know when you have it? When do you lose it? (Do you lose it?) More importantly, what on Earth are you supposed to do with it?

I haven't a clue, but I'd sure like to discuss it. That is, if it's ok with you all. I hear no objections; then again, this is MY creation.

So let's talk about creativity; the abundance, the lack thereof, and the unbelievably ecstatic exuberance that it radiates when you experience it. I'm not trying to romanticize this feeling, it's that strong. I make no such claims that I possess creativity and maybe you don't, or that I have more of it than you. I really have no clue. I think we all have it. I probably have some. Maybe a few of us were born with larger doses of it than others, or some have harvested it better over time, but it's definitely there. The trick is to harness that power and throw it out into the physical world to let it take the form of, well, something. Some people like to write, some make music, some paint, some teach, some work to find cures for illnesses.

The act of creating seems to me to be one of the greatest things you can possibly accomplish. I challenge you to say otherwise. The feeling of creating a work of art, or playing the saxophone, or educating and molding a child's mind...the feeling of taking empty space and physically placing some original "blob" in it's place, well, that my friends is amazing. When you feel creative you are thrust upon just about the highest natural high there is. You can dive into a project with such energy that you feel as if you could single-handedly solve the Israeli-Palestinian crises, or divert dangerous hurricanes. I imagine that musicians get on this high sometimes and sit in the recording studio for hours and hours, just churning out hooks and beats without stopping. Authors probably experience this at odd hours in the night and sit by their computers just funneling all of the words and thoughts onto the page as quickly as they can type.

There are most definitely varying degrees of this euphoria. I imagine there are these more rare types, as described above, when you can literally write, or sing, or build for HOURS without stopping to refuel. Then there are the slightly more common levels where you are able to feel only a bit creative and for a shorter period of time. It isn't necessarily hard to evoke the latter type. Listening to inspiring music or reading something that moves you could lead to a short period of Stage 1 Creativity, as I'll refer to it.

Honestly, without Stage 1 Creativity, I don't think I would have made it through school. I was always the type of person to procrastinate through EVERYTHING. And by the way, "was" should be immediately substituted with "am." I immediately remember a time in 4th or 5th grade where I was probably given three to four weeks to complete a project on Canada. This included a ten-page paper and some sort of accompanying visual. And at this time in my academic career, a ten-page paper was a VERY big deal. Each day would pass and I would tell myself, no sweat, still got another week to do this thing. Well long story short, the three to four weeks turned into THE NIGHT BEFORE. This was the first time I actually stayed up all night to do something for school. Sort of. My mother will tell you that she woke up early the next morning to find me asleep on the floor of my room with a pencil in my hand, face down into the paper. The point is, I remember that I would get short bursts of creativity when I forced myself to actually sit down and complete an assignment (which was usually the night before). I would get a rush of ideas or words or briefly visualize the final product and then really just rush to write or type fast enough to keep up with my thoughts. Stage 1 creativity saved me.

That Stage 2 Creativity however, that's damn special. I wish I knew how to call forth that one. When that sucker hits you can forget about "other plans." It literally takes you over and forces you to follow through with the energy. It's exciting and you just wish it would never end. This is the level musicians get to when they're on stage and they're just clicking. This is what Michael Jordan was feeling when he was making crazy shots with the Bulls and then looked at the sidelines shrugging his shoulders and putting his hands up as if to say, "I have no idea how I'm doing this!" This is what painters feel when they see the visions in their mind and can't stop painting. This is what talented authors feel when inspiration finally hits them and they rush to convert the thoughts into coherent sentences. It's what some sportscasters call being "in the zone."

I'm sure you can think of several examples of when creativity has hit you or when you have found an outlet for the creativity to surge through. I made a short list in my head of times when I was able to feel creative.

Some simple ones to start with: When I'm home visiting my family in Raleigh, at random times my brother and I will get into "finger drumming zones." We both have a propensity to start beats with our fingers or hands on tabletops or counters or WHATEVER. It's probably just a case of too much nervous energy. But there are a few times when he and I will be sitting around watching TV or listening to music and one of us will randomly start. After a few measures the other one of us will chime in with a complementary beat. Soon we're building a steady refrain of beats with short moments of emphasized changes that we continue to build off of. I realize that we're just two dumb guys annoying their parents, but there was one time we got going and just couldn't stop. As my brother continued the beat, I gathered glass bowls, pots and pans, spoons, and glasses and soon we had our own fucking symphony orchestra. The same brother and I did this a few times on our old piano. None of us can really play the piano but we would sit down and randomly play a few notes at a time and really harmonize. It was cool.

Whenever I sit around listening to music I usually grab my acoustic guitar and try to mimic the notes I'm hearing. I've never taken lessons and I can't really play (hmm I see a pattern here) but I can recreate the notes on my guitar that I hear in the song. It's not really playing, but it suits me and when I can get a whole song put together on my guitar I feel that rush of creativity.

The amount of time I devote to writing is almost always dependent on the amount of time that I'm allowed to feel creative or motivated. Writing part of a story or part of this blog allows me to experience short bursts of creativity.

More intense examples include when I was in college and worked for the TV and radio stations. When I was allotted two hours to be on the radio with my thoughts, jokes, conversation, and music, I was in heaven. I felt a rush of relief every time I finished a show. The type of rush you might get when you finish giving a speech in front of hundreds of people or singing the National Anthem in front of thousands. It was an incredible feeling and I got addicted to that high. When I was the sports anchor for the TV station's half-hour news show I was given 3-4 minutes to voice highlights, say ridiculous things and joke around on television (albeit Elon University television). There was nothing like it. When the lights went on and the floor director counted me down from the commercial break, it was like someone flipped a switch and the spotlight was on. It was incredible.

This all sounds very grand. But didn't I title this piece "Creatively FRUSTRATED"? You see, just as high as the biggest creative high can take you, there's always an equal and opposite low that you must also endure. And it's this place, this dark and frustrating place, that can test your nerves and emotions. I don't know about you, but when I'm going through a period of creativity deficiency I become so restless and irritable. I can't escape it. It gets increasingly worse when I try to sit down in front of my computer or a notebook and FORCE myself to think or write. It just won't come.

I feel like creativity comes and goes as it pleases without regard for anything else. It hits you at the strangest times. Maybe we're just lucky to have it at all.

I'll often go through moments where I'm laying in bed or sitting on the couch or sitting at my desk at work and I'll begin to feel creativity building up but I'll have NO CLUE how to release it! This is the worst thing...all I know is that I want to create something but I don't know what it should be. There's usually nothing I can do about it. I throw on some music and try to shovel it out through that but often it's not good enough. I want to write! I want to play! I want to CREATE something desperately! But I just can't figure out how to channel those feelings into reality.

I thought maybe this was just my stupid problem. Then I discussed it with a good friend of mine and discovered that she had similar frustrations and at times just wasn't sure how to deal with it. I think it really stinks when imaginative feelings hit me and I just can't figure out what to do about it, and soon the feelings pass me by. I feel like I've wasted something or I've missed the boat.

I guess, unfortunately, I experience more moments of creative frustration than actual creativity lately. Ironically, even this essay on creativity took me several tries to complete. Normally when I have thoughts in my head and am compelled to write, I can knock it out in one sitting, although it's usually a long sitting. One thing that might be contributing to my frustrations is a lack of creative venues. I no longer can just drive up to a radio station and use my key 24 hours a day to hijack the airwaves for a few hours when I feel like it.

When I was as young as nine or ten I can remember thinking, geeze, I hope feeling creative doesn't weaken as you age. I don't know if it does but I sure hope this isn't the first step in that sad process.

The job I have now offers little to no creativity. It's an organizational job. There aren't very many creative ways to find directions to a stadium for a cameraman to use. It doesn't take too much brilliance to book a satellite feed for video transmission. It just takes a little time to learn the system. What it doesn't require or provide is creativity.

But is this enough reason to find another job? I think so. What do you think? Is there any type of job out there that can provide the much sought after feeling of being creative? I think so. I would imagine that most jobs out there don't provide that, and many of you probably work in one of them, but there are also probably a good number of occupations in which you can truly be creatively satisfied. I just wish I knew what it was.

I hope you can appreciate the frustrations that can follow such situations. If I'm feeling creative I have no idea how to set free those feelings. But if I'm craving some food, I can eat. If I'm craving sleep, I take a nap. But if I'm craving for creativity, how do I handle that?

I don't mean to write this and have everyone thinking that I'm some sort of comic/linguistic/musical genius. Granted I certainly am all of those but I don't need your petty approval. (See that was the comic genius in me, the bad comic genius) Honestly some of these frustrations might be overblown, but if any of you can relate to them, you can understand the degree to which it can frustrate me at times.

Do you ever feel like you have some talent or skill and you just don't know how to channel it properly? I'd be willing to bet that EVERYONE feels that way sometimes. These famous actors/writers/musicians/directors probably at some point tapped into that one area and they made it. Some of my female friends in college used to say they loved guys in bands so much because when they were on stage you could really tell that they were COMPLETELY lost in their music and they were doing that one thing that they were meant to do. That's the feeling that I think we all share and yearn for in some form or another.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on these and other related ideas. Are you suffering through similar frustrations? Have you found the cure for those ailments? Have you found a new outlet? Have you found my blue pen? (Sorry but I'm missing it). Leave a comment here or shoot me an email with some comments, stories, or whatever: philelkins@hotmail.com

One of my friends had a shirt made that says, "Inspire Me." I think that's what we all need, and what we all must do. Go out and play the music that will inspire someone down the road. Write that article or novel that will move someone to change. Go have an inspiring conversation with your friends. Go create something. You might have to force yourself to sit down and do it, but soon you'll hopefully be helped along the way by that fleeting force known as creativity. Good luck.

Stay Tuned for More Philthy. We'll be Right Back.